I want to howl at the moon and run with the wind, roar at a lion and make fierce love under starlight, drown in fall leaves and lose myself forever in the scent of a flower, laugh maniacally with my insanity and sob uncontrollably in my grief for years. The civilized man has lost too much. He no longer cries without reason or spits at the Gods unapologetically. He only does exactly what he is supposed to, when he is supposed to do it. He is embarrassed of his humanness, wishing rather to be a machine, much more neat and defined. He no longer expresses his truth absolutely without shame or laughs brazenly at the idea that anything within him can be wrong. He does not see the value in gut-level expression, but rather prefers regurgitated socially approved propaganda. He no longer looks to himself for his answers, nor has he the courage to admit to himself what are his true questions and passions. He lives a shallow life lacking brutally honest reflection, and instead he strives to live within the parameters others have set to meet the checkpoints that they have imposed. He embarrassingly defines himself with meaningless credentials and labels, while denying everything that is magnificent, transcendent and essential within himself. Continue reading
The biggest lie the devil ever told me was that there legitimate reasons for me to be unhappy. When people speak about God or the universe, they love talking about angels and light – and demons and darkness become a second cousin of the absolute, far-removed from what we imagine to be the guiding forces that control our life. But demons and darkness are a part of God too – and if we are to reach our highest selves it is important to understand the monsters that exist whose sole mission is to prevent us from achieving greatness.
The wind’s blowing – thoughts. The wind’s blowing – physical sensations. The wind’s blowing – emotions. The wind’s blowing – beliefs. The wind’s blowing – ideas. The wind’s blowing – identity. The wind’s blowing – daydreams of the past and future. There is flux and change everywhere and on the most subtle level I am grasping, searching for permanence – an assurance that if I move my pieces wisely I can make things just right in this unsolvable puzzle. In a world where nothing is the same for even a nano-micro-second – I am screaming for some sort of reliance and security. I am a leaf being blown in an unending windstorm telling himself that through his will and efforts he can calm the insane weather. Continue reading
I will allow myself to be human. I have no demand greater than that for myself. If I feel pain, I feel pain – no more, no less. If I feel joy, I feel joy – no more, no less. I do not resist, I do not fight, I do not struggle to make things right. Why is it not enough to experience my life just as it is (with a hint of curiosity in the background whispering, “Ah, so this is what is happening right now? This ‘incarnation as a human thing’ sure is fascinating.”)?
I do not need a destination. I am sick of my desire to arrive. Where am I arriving to? There is no place for me to go. For every time in my life I have arrived, multiple new paths have emerged immediately. If my feet are tired, I will rest. If my heart is singing with curiosity, I will walk to where the music leads me. Am I to keep track of my successes and failures as if I am a character in a video game? Hogwash! I am so much more than that – I am a human! There is love and pain and laughs and tears and confusion and wonder and everything else in between. I have no desire for you or anyone else other than to be what you already are – right here, right now. For don’t you see, you are already an incarnation of God and no matter how many points you gather it won’t make you a speck more divine. You follow your muse and I shall try to capture the winds that call my name – and if we intercept somewhere in the middle, share a few drinks, talk about what we’ve learned, laugh, and tell a few scary stories – that is beautiful. Continue reading
“Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. Society is a joint-stock company, in which the members agree, for the better securing of his bread to each shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater. The virtue in most request is conformity.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance
There is a certain neurosis that comes with being a well-adjusted human in civilized modern society – a pressure to conform, a pressure to fit in, a pressure to keep the boat of social order from rocking. Society protects, offers luxuries, provides order, and gives comfort in an existence that is frightfully uncertain in its very nature (though we do like to go along pretending that this existence submits to our will and is subject to our demands). But in exchange for the respite, society irons you out, hammers you down, saps you of your individuality, steals your self-conviction, and robs you of your self-trust. Society is a powerful force – and from a young age we are taught that we are not. As a result, we become dependent infants suckling on the tit of authoritarian control. We give society our power because it offers us a faux-shield against unknown fears. It tells us that we do not need to be strong, because it will be strong for us. Continue reading